The Power of Kindness over Niceness

Yesterday, I had lunch with a few of my friends. It was one of those casual, light-hearted gatherings that fill the soul with warmth and laughter. But amidst the joy of catching up, something one of my friends said struck a chord deep within me. She expressed that she was getting tired of being “nice.” This seemingly simple statement opened up a discussion that challenged my understanding of what it truly means to be nice versus kind.

As we explored this idea further, another friend posed an insightful question: “Do you know the difference between being nice and being kind?” It wasn’t something I had ever really thought about before. After all, aren’t being nice and being kind essentially the same thing? But as she explained, I began to see these two words in a whole new light.

Nice vs. Kind: A Subtle but Powerful Difference

According to my friend, being “nice” often involves doing things we may not really want to do, usually because we’re hoping for something in return—whether it’s approval, affection, or simply the avoidance of conflict. Niceness can sometimes come from a place of fear or insecurity, where we feel compelled to please others at the expense of our own needs or desires. It’s as if we’re wearing a mask, performing actions that don’t always align with our true feelings, just to be seen as agreeable.

On the other hand, being “kind” is an entirely different experience. Kindness comes from the heart, without any strings attached. When we are kind, we act out of genuine care and compassion, not because we expect anything in return, but because it feels right. Kindness is authentic, flowing from a place of abundance, where we have enough love, empathy, and understanding to give freely.

This distinction between niceness and kindness hit me hard. It made me realize that if we truly want to live authentically and with integrity, it’s more important to be kind than to be nice.

Living Authentically: The Courage to Be Kind

In a world that often pressures us to conform, to fit in, and to be liked, it’s easy to fall into the trap of niceness. We may find ourselves saying “yes” when we really mean “no,” or going along with things that don’t sit well with us just to avoid rocking the boat. But over time, this can lead to a sense of exhaustion and resentment, as we realize that our actions aren’t truly aligned with our values or desires.

Choosing kindness over niceness requires courage. It means being willing to set boundaries, to speak our truth, and to act in ways that are true to ourselves, even if it means disappointing others. Kindness doesn’t always look like the easy or comfortable option, but it’s the one that allows us to maintain our integrity and stay connected to our authentic selves.

When we choose to be kind instead of nice, we are giving from a place of abundance. We recognize that we have enough love and compassion to give, without depleting ourselves or expecting anything in return. This kind of giving is powerful—it nurtures our relationships, strengthens our sense of self-worth, and creates a ripple effect of positivity in the world.

The Abundance of a Kind Heart

As I sat there at lunch, reflecting on this new perspective, I realized that I would much rather be known as kind-hearted than nice. Nice might win us temporary approval, but kindness builds lasting connections. Nice may keep the peace, but kindness fosters understanding and trust. Nice can feel draining, but kindness is energizing—it fills us up even as we give to others.

Kindness allows us to see the world through a lens of compassion and empathy. It reminds us that everyone is fighting their own battles, and that a little bit of kindness can go a long way in making someone’s day a little brighter. And the beautiful thing about kindness is that it doesn’t require grand gestures. Sometimes, the smallest acts—a smile, a listening ear, a thoughtful word—can have the most profound impact.

A Call to Choose Kindness

So, as I continue on this journey of self-discovery and growth, I’m making a conscious choice: to prioritize kindness over niceness. To be authentic in my interactions, to give without expecting anything in return, and to approach life with an open heart.

What about you? Have you ever felt the difference between being nice and being kind? I encourage you to reflect on this in your own life. Notice when you’re being nice out of obligation or fear, and challenge yourself to instead choose kindness. It might mean saying “no” more often, setting boundaries, or being honest even when it’s uncomfortable. But in doing so, you’ll be living more authentically, and you’ll be spreading the kind of love and compassion that our world so desperately needs.

The Wise Woman says . . .

In the end, it’s not about how others perceive us, but about how we show up in the world. Let’s show up as our most authentic, kind-hearted selves. Because kindness, unlike niceness, is a true reflection of our inner abundance—a gift we can give to others, and to ourselves, every single day.

If you find yourself frustrated by the actions of others or feeling stuck in a situation where change seems impossible, I encourage you to take a step back and consider what changes you can make within yourself. It may not be easy, but it's the most effective way to move forward. And as you do, remember that everyone, including you, is doing the best that they can. This mindset might just be the key to unlocking the change you've been seeking.

By embracing this perspective, we can all find the strength to make the changes we need, not by altering the behavior of others, but by transforming ourselves. Remember, that you can’t change anyone but yourself.